Is God Bored?

I started this blog in 2013 because I was losing my mind. I called it therapy…and it was. I thought it was necessary for my healing. I really, really thought that.

Today, looking back, I realize the only thing truly necessary for healing was to decide that I was fine. I had to look forward. Reshape my mindset. Position myself for the life that I wanted. So I did.

I promised myself that in 2014, I would live a more positive life. I would trust God and His promises. That sustained me. (Y’all do know His grace is still sufficient in 2015, right?) In fact, my 2014 positivity resolution is the only one that I’ve ever kept.

In 2015, I am challenging myself more. I know that God wants me to continue to trust Him. I will. Likewise, I will continue to marvel at His power and the favor that He shows me. However, this year I resolve to continuously tap into the power that He has given me.

There is more to this relationship thing than love. There is work. There is give and take. There is sacrifice. There is overflow. It is a two-way street.

For so long, I’ve been conditioned to believe that God doesn’t need me. I’ve been taught that He’s just fine without me. I challenge that today. If He didn’t need me, why would He have created me? Does God have that much time to waste? Either He is bored or I am purposed…purposed AND powerful actually. My vote is for the latter. Jeremiah 29:11 backs me up on this.

I’m pretty geeked about that.

Happy New Year to those of you still hanging in there with me…or to those who’ve just found me!

🙂 Keep Smiling,

SBF

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If Love Could Have Saved You…

Four years ago, my life changed. My surprise of a pregnancy taught me the truest form of hope…and my miscarriage taught me what it felt like to feel hopeless.

There were good days and bad days. I told myself that God knew best and that we would try again when we had gotten used to being married. I said the timing wasn’t ideal. We had a few other places to go and things to see. And when our relationship ended, I even tried to convince myself that I had “dodged a bullet.”

Truth is…I loved my baby. With everything in me. From the moment I knew someone was growing inside of me. I’ve never felt more special, loving, sensitive, protective, hopeful, favored, useful, purposeful, or beautiful than I did while I carried my child.

I miscarried in the first trimester. It wasn’t an easy loss physically, which distracted me from the emotional consequences. I was afraid of staying overnight in the hospital and things happened so fast that I barely remember all of the scans and needle pricks now.

I just remember hearing them say, “There is nothing that we can do to reverse this, but we will make sure that you are as comfortable as possible.” Tuh.

Friends and family tried to comfort me and most of them said all of the WRONG things with the best of intentions. There were the comparisons to people who’d carried pregnancies for longer and the people who seem to believe that one should view a miscarriage as a celebration of the ability to conceive. There were the people who didn’t know what to say so they said nothing at all, which I actually understood. Perhaps, the most hurtful were the people who believed that you had to birth a child to be a mother…they made sure to remind me that I was not a mom and that I would get a shot at it someday.

Miscarriage is such a taboo topic. Many people don’t know how to deal with it although so many women and couples experience it. Each person’s experience with it is different and the process is never ending.

Today, I haven’t shed a tear. I feel stronger than I ever have regarding the loss of my baby. I also feel more love for him or her than I ever have. I used to try to block out the experience, but bottling it up only made me angry. It hurt more. Peace came in the form of acknowledgment and remembrance.

More than anything else, I’m so thankful that God granted me the opportunity to be a vessel of life if only for a little while. I’m thankful for the flood of emotions that I felt. I’m thankful to feel in my heart, the sweet presence of the angel that I once carried in my womb.

If love could have saved my baby, it would have lived forever.

Nothing Before Us…

“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.” – Genesis 1:26 KJV

When will we learn? The bible is so full of reminders. Over and over, it speaks of God’s incredible (dare I say, INSANE) love for us. He didn’t need us. He had the company of His Son and of the Holy Spirit (Genesis 1:26). Yet He created us in His own image and supplied our every need. We decided that having our needs met wasn’t enough. We wanted more and as a result, we introduced sin into the world. So, what did God do? He sent His Son to die for our sin while we were still sinners. We had not committed to change. Nevertheless, He showered us with the blood of Jesus and sustained us with grace and mercy. As if that weren’t enough, He wiped our slates clean, granted us favor as if we had obeyed Him all of our lives, and *drumroll please* gave us the gift of salvation. Redemption. Through acceptance of and belief in Jesus Christ.

What did we do to deserve such things? Certainly, He wouldn’t bless us in these ways if we had not earned them, right? Tuh. As if. The magnitude and depth of His love amazes me for this very reason. The bottom line is, God created us in His image and He loves us as such. Sure, we were not the first products of His creation, but when He created us…He gave us dominion. God didn’t put anything before us. Do you understand what that means?

He entrusts us with having a fruitful impact on His kingdom and His children. He gives us each gifts that we are to use to glorify Him and bring others closer to Him. He orders our steps so that we cross paths with others who will help us to complete our tasks. Though we have disobeyed Him and disgraced ourselves time and time again, He has not given up on us and has promised that He never will.

I will never truly understand why as long as I am on this side of heaven. I am okay not understanding. It doesn’t have to make sense. I’m just grateful that it is so. I’m grateful for a God that gives His all. I pray that He will continue to work within me so that I always have a heart that wants to give Him more and more of me each day.

We are sons and daughters of a King. If you were to be judged today, would your thoughts, words, and behavior reflect your place as royalty within His kingdom. Who do you serve? Who do you represent? What do you place before Him? Are you willing to rearrange your life to elevate God to the top of your list of priorities?

In All Things…

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV) instructs us to “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

This morning as I arose from my warm bed, ate a filling breakfast, drove to work in my heated car, and arrived at my place of gainful (and enjoyable) employment, I had a song of praise in my heart and an unspeakable joy to match. Nevermind the freezing temperatures or my runny nose. I am alive and well. My family is alive and well. None of us slept on the street last night. We have sufficient clothing in which to bundle up and brave the harsh winds. Not everyone can say the same. I am blessed.

God blesses us because He loves us. However, He created us in His image for His glory and our blessings should ultimately result in garnering praise for the Most High and bringing others closer to Him. God’s blessings will not be wasted on me. Would I have enjoyed a “snow day” (minus actual snow, of course)? Certainly. However, I dare not complain. Joy is not circumstancial. Neither is my gratitude. God favors me. Sometimes I will have to do things that I don’t want to do, but I pledge to praise him for blessing me so that I am ABLE to do them. While my students and colleagues grumble, I will be the one that reminds them of how blessed we are to be able to provide a safe and warm place to learn. I will remind them of the people who are not as fortunate. I will remind them that it is only a matter of God’s grace that has kept us from being among those who are not as fortunate.

I pray that those friends and associates of mine who have found a reason to complain can open their eyes, minds, and hearts to the majesty of the Lord. I pray that they are able to recognize His majesty…His grace…His love for them. If nothing else, I pray that they praise Him for not giving any of us what we actually deserve.

Keep smiling, loves! 🙂