Suddenly it hit me…these tears are no longer exceptional occurrences in my life. I cry for you every day. Not always at the same time or for the same reason, but the tears…they always come.
I’ll learn to embrace them. Allow them to cleanse. Use them as reminders that you were here. Quit fighting them and accept that it comes with the territory when you’re a woman that misses her mama.
Disclaimer: I’m in my feelings. Thankful. Faithful. Also hurt. And confused. If you can’t understand how those emotions can co-exist, this blog entry is not for you.
I have long subscribed to the notion that the bigger the battle, the bigger the blessing. If you go through tremendous suffering, the breakthrough will make it all worth it. I’m struggling with this right now. I’m constantly asking myself about this blessing…just how big is it? How big is it that my mom had to be physically removed from my life for me to receive it?
Maybe I do hear that little voice in my head reminding me that this isn’t about me, but I don’t want to listen to it right now. Right now, I just want my heart to have as much peace as my mind does. More than that, I just want my mama.